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Tenchi's Confession

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Tenchi's Confession
« on: August 11, 2014, 01:44:06 AM »
 

Lоиεѕомεиεѕѕ

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Once upon a time in Animeland,
There lived a boy named Tenchi Masaki,
Who satisfied the girls' every demand;
Three were divine; the rest were ordinary;
The harem was anything but bland;
His favorite was always Tsunami,
The one with whom he did stand,
—To whom, he lost his chastity;
They were often seen hand in hand—
Much to cause the other girls' insanity;

To appease the crowd he had to pretend;
Tenchi wasn't into harem and such;
The girls believed he was more than a friend;
However they were thinking too much;
His heart's for one true love in the end;
Tenchi only desired for Tsunami's touch;
Thinking of her, he wanted to send
All of him, for he's within her clutch,
As he wanted to mix, mingle, and blend;

And he wrote to her the following:
"Tsunami, for only you, I'm falling;
My only love, you are my everything;
I love you by your every wing,
With all of my being;
My heart wants to sing
For the warmth that you bring;
My true love, my life, my yearning,
To you, I long to cling;
I can hear the temple bell's ringing;
Tell me you're the same for me in feeling;
My self's a sacrifice I'm offering;
Without you, I can't keep on living."


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Re: Tenchi's Confession
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2014, 09:15:48 AM »
 

Zigra

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Nice :)
 

Re: Tenchi's Confession
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2014, 01:05:59 PM »
 

Lоиεѕомεиεѕѕ

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Thanks! ^__^
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Re: Tenchi's Confession
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2014, 02:48:26 AM »
 

Daydreamwalker

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This is beautifully written, and almost a little bittersweet.  To be honest, I've always been a fan of your writing, Lonesomeness, ever since you used to write under the name Dour Morose. 

"They wanted us to die, but we survived."
 

Re: Tenchi's Confession
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2014, 04:57:16 AM »
 

Lоиεѕомεиεѕѕ

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This is beautifully written, and almost a little bittersweet.  To be honest, I've always been a fan of your writing, Lonesomeness, ever since you used to write under the name Dour Morose.

I think my writing's just plain average, not beautiful, but thanks for the comment. :D

Something beautifully written is so much more than this. Writing as such presents an essence of beauty beyond reason. Just a line of such writing is meaningful and conveys feelings, true and pure. It makes the readers pause for a moment, as their world and time stand still. The readers would take a deep breath and sigh briefly deep in thought, wondering how words together in any phrase or sentence could ever be so beautiful, as though it itself were a vision—a daydream, where they could skip away to escape even if only for a while, dreaming away in scenes, calm and sweet. . . Such a beautiful writing and words can actually be found in your personal text—"Moon of the Sea." How beautiful that is. . . Imagining the line "moon of the sea" and its beauty wholly. I noticed your personal text when I was lurking before, like a month ago, and did find it to be something ought to be admired. . . :)

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Re: Tenchi's Confession
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2014, 12:24:03 AM »
 

Daydreamwalker

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This is beautifully written, and almost a little bittersweet.  To be honest, I've always been a fan of your writing, Lonesomeness, ever since you used to write under the name Dour Morose.

I think my writing's just plain average, not beautiful, but thanks for the comment. :D

Something beautifully written is so much more than this. Writing as such presents an essence of beauty beyond reason. Just a line of such writing is meaningful and conveys feelings, true and pure. It makes the readers pause for a moment, as their world and time stand still. The readers would take a deep breath and sigh briefly deep in thought, wondering how words together in any phrase or sentence could ever be so beautiful, as though it itself were a vision—a daydream, where they could skip away to escape even if only for a while, dreaming away in scenes, calm and sweet. . . Such a beautiful writing and words can actually be found in your personal text—"Moon of the Sea." How beautiful that is. . . Imagining the line "moon of the sea" and its beauty wholly. I noticed your personal text when I was lurking before, like a month ago, and did find it to be something ought to be admired. . . :)

Oh, thank you Lonesomeness.  :) You about made me blush!  :shygirl:

But, I don't think you give yourself enough credit.  In particular, I've always loved the scene that you wrote between Tenchi and Ryoko in your story "Raspberry Softly",
                 
                   "Ryoko dodged Tenchi's swing across her head, and he turned his sword around to block her swing to the side.  Her blade
                    dropped from her hand, and she tackled him to the ground.

                    His sword flew aside.

                    The sun's light blurred his eyes.

                    'Ryoko?'

                     Her blushing face came closer to his, while he rubbed his eyes."

Even though it is prose, there is a subtle lyrical quality to your writing that conveys so much with so little words.   I can imagine a light, coral blush playing across Ryoko's face and her golden eyes dancing in anticipation of stealing a kiss from Tenchi.  It makes me sigh, winsome for a lover of my own.  I especially love the way you end the story,

                    "As Tenchi left his room,  a drawing of Tsunami and a pen rested on his desk.
                     
                      Curtains swayed softly by the glass screen."

When I read this, I became nostalgic for summer days from my childhood, when I would fall asleep in the late afternoon while the breeze blew the curtains over my bed. 

Sorry for taking so long to answer this, though.  :blush:  (I just started a new job and I've been a little busy with work lately). 

"They wanted us to die, but we survived."
 

Re: Tenchi's Confession
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2014, 01:05:53 PM »
 

Lоиεѕомεиεѕѕ

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Don't have to thank me, since naturally it's what I perceive whenever I see the phrase "Moon of the Sea" underneath the name "Daydreamwalker" on the screen. It makes me curious, as I wonder. . . if you're a writer and what you've written before, whether poetry or prose. Then, I suppose, I could read some more of your words, if only I knew. . . :)

I'm not much of a writer now or then, but I do often try to draw words and lines from my imagination (with a bit of heart). So, it seems that my writing was not a loss, from my reading your interesting comments here. . . :D You have a certain, thoughtful way with words. . .

I do thank you!


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